The Princess and Me

I met a princess last week. A real life princess who, the moment she met me, immediately disliked me.

I guess I’m not meant to run with princesses.

We were at an embassy event, and I sat next to her with a bottle of beer in my hand, from which I was drinking. The bottle, not the hand. I was drinking from the bottle.

“Oh!” she said, and turned her back on me. “I was brought up never to drink from the bottle!”

“What difference does it make what I drink from?” I said.

“Let me tell you this,” she said. I should at this point mention that she was an elderly princess, in a suit of bright red, even her hat. She was a princess of Montenegro, I believe, although she was born in Sweden and spoke with a British accent. “Let me tell you this. You won’t get invited to the right sorts of parties if you drink from the bottle.”

“I don’t think I want to go to the right sorts of parties,” I said, drinking from my bottle.

The princess laughed, and laughed. “Do you hear that!” she said. “She doesn’t want to go to the right sorts of parties!” She laughed a lot at that, actually. I suppose it was rather funny to a Montenegrin princess living in Croatia. “Girly,” she said. “You don’t know what you are missing out on.”

She’s right, of course. I have no idea what I’m missing out on. And as I continued to drink beer from the bottle for the remainder of the evening, I was at least certain of one thing.

I am no princess.

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Nat Newman

Nat Newman is an award-winning writer of short stories, content, podcasts, feature articles, drunk text messages and, soon, a novella.


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