A new way to board planes

I propose a radical new way of boarding planes. Instead of going higgledy piggledy and filling up the plane randomly, even instead of going row by row, I suggest something completely different.

– All window aisle seated passengers should go first,

— followed by the middle seated passengers,

— and finally those seated in the aisle.

The benefits are obvious. There will be no more faffing about getting in and out of seats to let people in. The window people get on – all the As and Fs – put their luggage in their allotted overhead compartment and sit down. Next, the middle people do the same. Finally, the aisle people come on and neatly slot their luggage into the remaining spaces in the locker. Nothing easier.

I did toy with the idea of allowing people who know one another – i.e. if A, B & C are all travelling together, or D, E & F – to form a bloc, like Monopoly, and board at the same time, but I think this would complicate the system. Mums, dads and children may have to board separately, but life is hard kids, get used to it. These are the sacrifices we make for order.

As an addendum to my new boarding rules, anybody who puts their coat or small handbag in the overhead locker instead of under the seat in front off them will be immediately shot.

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Nat Newman

Nat Newman is an award-winning writer of short stories, content, podcasts, feature articles, drunk text messages and, soon, a novella.


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